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When You Choose to Fly Instead of Fall in Love, Part 1

Caleb Breakey - Tuesday, June 17, 2014

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This is the first part of a series about why we should stop "falling into love" and start learning how to fly. 


To date without the end goal of marriage is the exact opposite of giving someone what he or she needs most. It takes what you want and ultimately leaves the other hurt and broken. Your other needs to know that you are dating him or her to gauge whether or not forever makes sense for both of you.

So before you even begin your relationship, ask yourself: Is this someone I could spend my life with?

Before you even begin your #relationship, ask yourself: Is this someone I can spend my life with? #SingleLife #Singles

I’m not

saying you have to come out and say 'I’m lookin’ to marry you, sweet thang' on a first date. I’m just saying that, before long, you need to be perfectly clear about your intentions.

I like how Jefferson Bethke, author of Jesus>Religion puts it: Dating without marriage in mind is like walking into a store with no money—you’ll either leave hungry or take something that doesn’t belong to you.

No marriage equals no purpose. And no purpose equals no point.

"The goal of Christian dating is not to have a boyfriend or girlfriend but to find a spouse. Have that in mind as you get to know one an- other, and if you’re not ready to commit to a relationship with the end goal of marriage, it’s better not to date but simply to remain friends." — Mark Driscoll


It’s been said that you only make three or four big decisions in life. To fly or fall is one of them, along with choosing to become a completely committed follower of Jesus, picking a career that empowers your passions and gifts, and, of course, saying “I do.”

Choosing to fly isn’t about trying out a new way to date. It’s about loving Jesus. It’s about living your life as he’s told you to live.

If you feel as though you can skip sections like this because you already believe in Jesus, you’re missing the point of what’s going to transform the way you do relationships. Trying to build an intimate, satisfying relationship with a special other without having an intimate, satisfying relationship with Christ—beyond just belief—is like trying to land on the moon without NASA.

This is why flying requires that you dive deeply into who you are and get honest about what you find.

Unless you can tell Jesus Christ that you love him more than anything or anyone and live a life that reflects it from the core of your being, you’ll be flying a plane without wings. I’m not advocating learning how to say the right things and do the right things. That’s just dead religion. I’m challenging you to open your heart to Jesus and to let him dwell not only in the places where you feel comfortable with him, but also in the places you’ve consciously or subconsciously reserved for only you.

"Flying" in love isn't about becoming perfect. It's about giving Jesus total access to your imperfections. #DatingLikeAirplanes

This complete indwelling makes flying possible. In ways you cannot fathom, Jesus helps you exchange your selfishness with his selflessness, your impatience with his patience, your harshness with his gentleness, your deceit with his truthfulness, your negativity with his hopefulness, your boastfulness with his humility, your worthless talk with his meaningful words, your manipulation with his honesty, and your spiritual laziness with his spiritual zeal.

Flying isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about giving Jesus total access to your imperfections—areas he wants to redeem and take up residence in. In that sense, flying begins at the end of yourself. When you allow Jesus in, you dis- cover a supernatural power that replaces everything you’ve ever hated about yourself with a deep love for God, which radiates love to others. You find your truest identity. You discover exactly who you are meant to be: a person capable of loving others as Christ loved you.

"The more our lives are surrendered to him, the more he is able to fashion our lives as we were meant to be." — Henry Cloud and John Townsend

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